| You Don’t Miss Him. Stop Letting Fat Girls Tell You Otherwise.

So really, can we be over songs that perpetuate the breakup process? He dumped you five months ago and you know he’s banging some borderline tranny at least 50 lbs heavier than you are. Don’t let Adele tell you it’s OK to show up uninvited. It isn’t. Guys don’t like that. Nobody likes that. You just categorized yourself with Jehova’s Witnesses, Girl Scouts and Mitt Romney (srsly, he will show up at your door and cry. google it.)

Instead, watch 500 days of Summer. It’s totally hipster, which normally shouldn’t be encouraged, but it has an overall good message. When you look back on the relationship after a breakup, once the rose colored glasses are shattered, you see all the things you couldn’t before. See that he wasn’t perfect, wasn’t perfect for you, and also why does he laugh like that?

Face it… in real life, Adele can’t sit with us. She’s overweight and has a bad dye job.She’s always bitching about her breakup and how much she can’t get over her ex. She loves telling you how awful her life is because her boyfriend left her, how it’s her fault and the crazy things she wants to do to get him back. She hopes she can just find someone like him and she’ll be ok. She’s ok with settling, and even when another man comes along she will STILL post facebook statuses about the one that got away. This girl does not know how to be happy. This girl doesn’t want to be happy.

…But Britney gets it. You won’t find one song on Femme Fatale about sitting in your apartment crying and eating jars of nutella all day because you had your heart broken. Just one about trying to get one more fuck out of him before it’s really over, because you’re a crazy bitch like that. Britney gives you a whole track list of finding new love and having lots of fun in-between, and you can do it ’til the world ends. Britney is your hot new friend who’s going to show you a wild time but make sure you’re OK along the way (so you don’t end up on that “intervention” show).

Take a page from Robyn and Rye Rye. Say to yourself “He Never Will Be Mine”. Accept it, realize yesterday wasn’t the time of our lives. Don’t quote “Someone Like You” on facebook. Tell the world “I don’t want someone like you, I need so much more”, then flip your hair, turn around and walk away.. People will respect you for it, and eventually someone will love you for it.

“Learn from the past, proceed, get better.”